“Who are you?” — I am diverse!… Ouch — Lern how to deal with categories

Someone asked me lately: “Who are you?” And I realized that I did not not know the answer, or differently spoken, there was so much in my head, that there wasn’t a simple answer. It was more of a blend of various thoughts that mixed and mingled to try to find their way to my consciousness in the hope of the one answer to be emerged from it all.

But did that work? Did I find that one answer? No I did not. The answer stayed hidden and out of my mind came a mumble-wumble of words, until I gave up and said, I did some jobs, but now I try some out. He looked at me, puzzled, I saw it in his eyes. He was looking for something, something tangible and graspable, but he got nothing he could connect to. And with a should sigh he mumbled an “ähem” and turned awy.

Why do we want categories?

Why do we long for categories so much? Why do we want to put people in categories? I thought about it. And I think it is much easier. When someone says: “Hey, I am a writer!”, then I automatically know that this person writes texts. And when I may have someone that is looking for someone that writes texts, I can refer them to that person. It is a branding, a categorization, a clear direction. Same goes with “Creative Strategist”, but that is already a bit vague. You can find that interesting, “ah, a creative strategist, that sounds fantastic, but what exactly do you do?”, and then there are other things, like “I care about eggs and milk”, well, what about this sentence? You may say, “What? How is that even related to anything? Do you just like it? Do you care about it? Do you have that as a hobby? Or as a profession?”, and it makes it even more fuzzy. Will you invite that person when you make scrambled eggs for breakfast? What if you have a cow that is not giving milk anymore, will you call that person? And what about, “I am diverse within!” or “I work on avrious projects right now”. Well, “what projects, what diversity, hää, what is going on? Just tell me who you are!” may be the answer to these claims.

Categories make it easy for us to make sense of the world. It is easy. It gives a form of confidence, a form of concrete, specific, structured, and calm. We know what is around us, we know our resources, we can act in a split second and we can take it from there. We reduce the uncertainty we have around. But what does that mean, if you are a multipotentialité how it is often called, or a person of many projects, many categories? What if you are a writer, an innovator, a programmer, a Customer Success manager, a seller, a content creator, a Youtuber, an entrepreneur, a trainer, a strategist, a deep thinker, an analyst, a creative person, and much more? What do you tell people? Will you say to that one person: “hey, I am a Seller!” and to the next: “I am a writer” and to the next, “I am a content creator!”, or will you say, “I am a writer, creator and seller”? The second one for sure is much more interesting, the first one is more defined. But which three will you combine for that person at hand? And what do you include? And isn’t it feeling weird to be defined by three words? What about all the other parts that are within? Will they get any interaction with the world or will they be hidden in the dark? All those things you could have been as well?

The trauma of them all and how to overcome it

I struggle with that big time. On one hand, I feel I am it all, but on the other hand, I know that it won’t treat me well. In this world, you can say “I am a creative problem solver”, but do you do yourself credit? Will that show what you do? And even deeper, who you are? There is always that gap of what we share with the world and what we are within, simply because categories do that, they categorize us down to specific words, and categories, that someone defined. But let’s see it from some different perspectives.

You could be just you

What if you just say, if someone asks: “I am Frederike”. They will say, ok. That does not help me, as I don’t know you, you are new to me. And you may then have two options. You can say: “I am a writer” because here in that moment, you are writing. But you could also say, “I write about human development” or “I share insights on human development”. Is that what you do? It will be that part of the things you do. You share a small piece of it, because that may be, what this person is interested in. And if that is interesting to the other person, you can go on with your conversation. Nonetheless, it is unlikely, that someone stops asking for more, if you give them that frank answer: “ I am Frederike”, but on the other hand, it may add an interesting layer in starting a conversation.

You could accept that people need certainty & categories

You could just accept it. Go with it. Play with it. And try out different categories that feed what you need. You want to establish yourself as a writer right now? Then say, “I am a writer” to those people that may help you establish your craft, you are also working on a project to bring more sustainable eggs onto the market? Then say “I work on bringing more sustainable eggs onto the market” and check who can help you achieve that goal or you could say, “I want to build a training platform for sellers” and check in about the resonance with sellers and see what happens out of it. It frees you from the need to show your whole self. This whole self, you know you carry it with you, but it does not need to come out with everyone. If that feels uncomfortable or unreal, see it that way. When you create a product, you also only share one product at a time. It takes time to get to know someone better as it takes time to reveal something about you more. Start at one point and maybe, over time, that person will learn more about you, and gradually you move into a deeper connection and then they will learn more about you, more sides, more diversity from within. And then you can take it from there. And you show more of who you are.

You could accept that it is on you to know you well

If you have that urge to show people your real you, you can do that. But you do not need their view on you as an authentic, multi-versed person. You can know that for yourself, and that can be enough. You know that you are more within, but why is it so necessary to share? Is it always even good to share? You also don’t run through the world and tell everyone about your hobbies, your deep desires, your friendships, the people you love and the things you dislike. Why put such an emphasis on who you are as a person? Again, play with it. Accept that you know. That you know how much you do and much you care and how much you are. And then share what you think you want to share in a given moment.

To make that easier, focus on what you do right now

These categories sound so strict. “Professor”, “Writer”, “Athlet”, it is as if they define you forever and ever. But what if you put the pressure out for yourself. What if you say:”I am writing a book on ducks and cows”. Then this may be interesting to the person you are telling that to. It is thought-provoking and they may relate to it. And they may ask you about your book. But it is about a curent project you do, and thus it does not feel like a word defining you as a whole person, but simply an announcment of what you currently do. An information of what you are up to. And then, if you feel better about it, you could collect all your projects, and that is you, over time, but not the one-shot word that sounds so frightning as it feels boxed in.

And that alleviates the pain for you to say it yourself

You don’t have to say a category anymore, you can delete that from your wordings. Let other people use these words, if they give them pleasure, but let you not do that. Instaed, choose your current project, a specific, in the moment project you work on. This could be a project of a week or a project of a lifetime. It does not matter. But it is something you are currently doing, something, you currently care about, something you currently put a large amount of hours into. And then this is what you can share. If that changes in a week, well, then it changes in a week and that is ok, because projects change too. But you take off that pressure to conform to a category you do not see yourself in. And if at one point you do something for a life-time, you can adhere to it, if you like, but you also just don’t need to.

Try the methods and see what works best for you

There is not this one method that may be working for you, but I hope it gives you some alleviation and relaxedness whenever someone asks: “Who are you?” or “What do you do?” and maybe it is on you to ask that question the next time you ask it yourself, not as a “Who are you?” question but as a “What do you do?” question and then you will hear not the same old bland words of A Writer, A Professor, An Artist, but you will hear “I create an artpiece on the rollercoaster of emotions” or “I am writing a book on imagination and creativity” or “I research how the genes of mice work”. Specific, on point, and something someone is doing right now. Will they be doing the same thing in 10 years time? Who knows. But right now, this is what they do and you can have a beautiful conversation about it when the other person is as into this topic as you are.

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Did you experience, something similar? Then I would love to hear your thoughts and experiences on the matter at hand :)