Have you ever wondered how you can become more intentional? How you can give your life a direction you never dreamed of giving it?
I found myself in that life of reacting to others, giving automatic responses and finding myself on the wrong side of the powerful decisions.
And I wondered why? Why do I end up feeling like life is just passing by and I do not achieve anything valuable? Or at least not those thing I am proud of?
And that is a massive underachievement, but the mere fact that I thought that way, showed that I was missing living my life intentional and with a force to be reckon with. A force of trusting myself, giving responses that are genuine, that are simply being myself.
Two years ago I started playing tennis. And it is that sport that taught me many beautiful things. It is not only that I got fitter, stronger, more calm. No, it has taught me life skills.
And one of these life skills is the PAUSE.
What is the Pause?
The pause is that millisecond that makes all the difference between “something comes your way” and your respose. That millisecond that gives you enough leverage point to decide - what will my response be? How will I react? What will I do?
In tennis, when your opponent hits the ball into your direction, you can either get nervous, irritated and feeling the pressure of needing to “react” as soon as possible. You may run to the ball, almost run into it and then somehow try to get rid of the ball and play it back as soon as possible into the field of your opponent.
This approach lets you be on the responding end. Your opponent is acting intentionally and calm, and you are the rabbit running around from one side of the field to the other, hastingly and anxiously looking to run and be the best and make a move just to make the move.
Your game is erratic, you are in constant stress, you are loosing it often after the first or second shot and you are loosing your breath with more frequency than necessary. It is exhausting. And you will feel that exhaustion.
And that simply because you are trying to make it perfect, think you need to respond" “now” and get in the defensive mode of saying, “let me just play that ball back somehow”.
In sharp contrast to this approach is a different approach.
The one of owning the stage, owning your playing field.
You are in charge there and you see the ball coming in your direction.
You anticipate, run to the place where you expect the ball to hit.
And then you WAIT. That one millisecond. FOCUS. CONCENTRATION. FULL ATTENTION. You slow down. And then, with calmness and clarity you HIT.
Your shots will become more focused, more directed, more powerful.
When you are done with your shot, you run back to the middle of your field, waiting for the next ball to come your way.
There is not that much difference between approach one and approach two. But one decisive one. The short PAUSE before you hit the ball. With that clarity.
To achieve that you need full control, you need preparation steps, you need to be able to know where and how you need to stand to make that perfect shot. But then, when you make it, you have stance, you are grounded, you can prepare in that millisecond that makes all the difference.
When you play tennis, there is another moment, where you also achieve so much more when you incorporate that PAUSE.
When you serve and bring the ball into the game, you throw the ball into the air and prepare your racket and then you shoot the ball.
The moment when you have thrown the ball, your racket is in position, in that moment, there is that PAUSE. Everything is prepared, you see the ball that you have thrown in the air above you. And with that calmness and focus on the ball and with the preparation you did, you have the control and pure focus to in that moment make the perfect serve.
When you rush through that serve, trying to make it perfect, trying to rush, hopping or fiddling, it loses its power and becomes erratic. This PAUSE there shortly before making the serve makes all the difference. That PAUSE, often not seen by the bystanding eye is short, some milliseconds, but you within you will know that it is there, you can feel it. It is like a slow motion move between all the speed. That one focused moment that determines whether the serve will hit the ground in a place and with a speed that you want to have it or not.
Sure, for these practices, some pre-practice and learning is necessary to know how to make these serves and how to shoot a ball in tennis. This is the constant learning you do to improve your practice.
But this moment, this PAUSE, is a habit, a strength, a power, you can use in any level of playing the sport. You can practice that like a muscle. The PAUSE. And see its power unfolding in front of your eyes. And the universal inner strength it brings to you in tennis and way beyond.
How the Pause empowers you in non-tennis moments?
If you practice the Pause, you will find out that you can use it in a wide array of situations and experiences.
When you have a conflict with a friend or your partner. Instead of reacting automatically and on autopilot. Take a PAUSE and respond then. This pause gives you this short moment of getting clear on the situation, calming down, and giving a more well-intentioned and thought out response.
When someone asks you if you can do something for them, do not simply answer with “yes, sure” or whatever your automatic autopilot resonse may be, but instead, wait that millisecond PAUSE, hold, and then give a response. A response that really truly reflect how you feel about that question and what you want to do. And if you do not know, the PAUSE can help you to simply say: “I don’t know yet, I will think about it and come back to you.”
When you are torn between two decisions yourself. PAUSE. Wait. Listen in. And then make a move. Or simply wait a bit longer until you are ready to make that concentrated, focused move.
When you are already on autopilot and numbingly scroll through social media, use a PAUSE. Hold back. Wait. Take a breath and then make your next move. Often that PAUSE is enough for you to realize that there are other things that might bring you closer to your dreams than what you are currently doing.
When you have an important meeting coming up and you are feeling nervous. Take a short PAUSE. Focus. Concentrate. And give yourself a foundation within from which you plan to act from. Then straigthen you jacket (or pullover or whatever you wear that day) and enter the meeting room.
Take a PAUSE and see what happens. That millisecond in which you can fully focus, concentrate, and then take that shot.
I am excited to learn how you use it for your ambitions and ideas, your conflicting situations and aspirations, your relationships and career moves.