How letting go of your fears frees you to explore and follow what is within

As long as I can remember, I was deeply afraid of flying. I would turn around before entering the airplane and I would leave many beautiful opportunities and moments on the street. And as long as I can remember I was afraid of many other things — public speaking, dark forests, being alone in a wide field, fire in a train, being tracked down in an elevator, heights, showing my emotions, voicing my opinion being contrary of that of others, dying, being bancrupt and living on the streets, being sick and not able to walk anymore, losing my mind, spiders, and more.

But what happens, when you are afraid of everything?

The more I was afraid of one thing, the more I was afraid of another. I was sinking into my afraidness. “Frederike, do you want to come sailing with us in Mallorca?”, friends would ask and my mind would go into thousand directions and keep running mind games in my head: you have to go to the airport, you have to sit down in that airplane, you have to fly, what if something happens and you die? You still have so much you want to do. And what about the people there? Do you know them? What if they make fun of you? Ridicule you because you are different? Because you always have been the outsider? What if that will make you be alone? What if you have to go alone through a dark forest there, because you want to leave early?. You can imagine. In the end, I did not fly.

Or another situation: “Frederike, do you want to go out with us later today?” Yes, but let me think about it. And my mind would run again: “Oh, but they live so far away. Then I have to go back by cab. But I am afraid of the cab drivers, maybe they bring me to an old rut and kill me there. I don’t want to end up there, I love life so much, I don’t want that to happen. And driving with someone? What if they want to stay longer than I want to stay? What if I feel uncomfortable?. You can imagine, I did not go.

Or another situation: I realized that I would love and go on a backpacking trip. And I went to Asia. Everything was planned out. But instead? I came back after 6 weeks. I felt lonely and I told myself: “That is ridiculous, you never find a job here. Don’t even bother trying. What did you think of going here all alone? You won’t meet any new people. They won’t like you. You are so different. And your friends at home will make fun of you. And this is uncomfortable. Don’t do that. Go back to your safe space.” And what did I do? I came back after some two months. And continued to be in my safe heaven. Safe but well, the dreams burried in the back of my head.

Your afraidness compounds with time

Being afraid of everything adds more and more layers of afraidness to your life. First it is the fear of flying, then it is the fear of heights, then it is the fear of trains, cabs, social encounters, emotions, yourself and everything that comes your way. One moment of being afraid adds to another and at one point in time you are afraid of everything. Every moment, every experience becomes a big question of “What if {…} terrible happens? What if it all goes wrong? What if that is the end?”. Also the thoughts and what ifs become worse and worse. Like a rabbit hole of no escape. Your fears hightened and your dreams diminished will they compound every step you take. And after a while? A month? A year? 10 years? you look back and wonder? Where did your time go? The time, where you could have compounded something else? The time, where you could have focused on something else?

How to let go of it? And focus on something else?

As with anything. We train for afraidness. And we can train for kindness. We can train for humbleness, and for bravery, for fearlessness, and for courage. What we once have, we can let go, and what we do not have yet, we can build upon. We always have that choice of letting go of old and rehaping into new.

And that is what I did. And what you can do too. Reducing the layer of fear one by one by one. And unfortunately — or liberatingly — the only way that worked for me, is to go and do and act despite your fear. To go through the fear. Mentally, emotionally, physically. Not in dangerous ways, but in humanly possible ways. And to accept that this will always be there. That there is no escape. The only way is to do what you want to do despite those fears.

But interestingly, the more I go through them, the less fearsome they become. It is as if I saw the worse, saw it all, embraced it in and let it sip, that the fear relates and says to itself, yes, it seems, she kind of got it now, she cannot change, she has to live through the darkest bit, to come out strong, on the other side.

How did I do it?

Exactly like that.

I am super afraid of flying. But I wanted to experience something, meeting friends, so I knew, I have to sit in that airplane and fly around the world. The urge to experience was strong and I mentally prepared. Hours and days before did I clean my thoughts and befriended my fear: “If I die in that airplane, that is ok, it is life and it may appear.” Would I tell myself. And then I would simply go and accept my fate. Nothing bad happens as you can tell, I am still here. But the thought helped me put perspective. It helped me trust more, see more, be more aware. And after that experience? I felt more human, more calm, more in my consciousness than I ever fell before.

I do not like cab drivers and dark forests. The dark forests I don’t go to, I feel that is not super safe in and by itself, but the cab drivers. Have I ever thought about the masses of cabs driving every day? So I took a leap of faith and drove by cab. Not only once but twice, three times, and more. Over and over again. Until I made new friends, learned about the city I was in and had experienced I otherwise would never had made. And again, I felt more human, more in touch, more in love with the world and us.

I did not stay in that city in Asia I moved to at that time. But I realized, I love big, busy, diverse, dynamic cities. So I will take a leap of faith and move to another one soon. Follow my dreams and what I care about. Deep within. Letting go of all that fear has eaten alive like a big bully dog eating and grasping my hamburger from my hand and telling me, no that is mine. I take it back, yummingly biting into it and enjoying the taste of culinary explosion in my mouth. Will my dream come true? I don’t know yet, but I know, that only when we overcome the layers of our fear, are we able to live by what we truly crave. Only when we cut the layers will we see what was hidden, will we see what we love, enjoy and how we are. Will we see our self, genuine and raw, waiting silently in the back for its time to shine.

Let your light shine in this world. Grab it and get it out. And go beyond your fears. Because on the other side? There is your beauty waiting to be seen.

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