Last week I took the time to dive deep into all that I care about, what I am good at, what my strength are and whom I look up to. It took me several hours to do that exercise and when I am more honest with me, it did not take several hours but several years. A constant looking and evolving and perspecting exercise that I got pissed about - simply because it drove me crazy that whenver a new hunch, a new excitement came my way, I would jump on the new boat and go all in, to quiclly realize that this still wasn’t what I intended to do.
After my intense analysis I finally came up with a concept, an idea, a wording that captured the essence of what I was doing the last years - Curiosity Unleashed. I was and still am deeply curious. I love asking questions about anything and everything, I love to explore, to test new ideas, to bring them to life, to research and to produce.
Whatever I do, each day, I have a million of ideas of how to make things better, of how to better understand myself, of how to bring creations to life. So much so that I constantly distract myself and get lost in the sea of possibilities.
It seems, every superpower has a dark side to it. When it overextends, then a superpower can turn dark.
It can eat itself. Destroy itself and disappar.
Does it mean, a superpower is no superpower? No. It still is one, but it needs to be taken care of carefully. Otherwise it can be too much.
I learned that the root word of curiosity in Latin is cura. And this also translates into care. When we care about something we are curious. And when we are curious about something we care.
While I researched all I could find about curiosity, my mind started to take me away from it:
“Why don’t you do something that you have experience in?”, “Why can’t you simply do what you should do?”, “How the hell can you think that you will earn any money with that?”, “Why are you always getting distracted?”, “Are you sure that is a good idea?”.
While my mind was pondering these thoughts, I started asking the internet and ChatGPT and Pi - what do you think about the concept?
And while I did I realized that I did something peculiar. I tried to find something I can hold onto to give me the permission to start doing that project. Like as if I would need to have at least one person or AI or whatever to agree with me that this is a good idea.
I was shocked about myself. Apparently, I was looking for permission, for clarity, for support, that I can do that and that I can allow myself to take the leap of faith and go with it.
And I realized that there still is something inside of myself that asks for permission for the things I want to do.
Is that the reason why I have so many ideas but not the power to bring them to life, did I ask myself? Is that the reason why it is so difficult for me to decide on one path versus many?
I don’t have the answers to these questions yet, but what I know is that being aware of these tendencies of myself to ask for permission allows me to see more clearly the next time I open a browser and type in: “What do you think?”.
I can stop. And ask myself that question instead of a third party. And when my mind is harsh and fear-provoked at times, I can also use my body to provide me with an answer. With a face nodding or shaking or reacting in some way. An intuitive answer.
When I realized what I did, I stopped, put down my digital tools and listened in. The moment I did, I became more clear, more free in my mind. And I realized that I am in exactly the space I want to be right now.
And that sometimes, a simple question is enough to bring us back on track. A question. A new perspective. A breathe. And a move towards what is important to us.