How having a goal changes everything and how you can develop one too

I always had projects. Things I wanted to try out, things I wanted to achieve. But then there was nothing. I would change them constantly. And they would wither in the backdrop of myself. I would not actively work on them. And I would let them getting sidetracked by the people around me, getting sidetracked by things “that were more important now” and getting them sidetracked by my mind spinning spirals and telling me that this is all not that important.

Well, you guessed it, I failed to bring my ideas and goals to reality. How could I if I would set a goal and a second later I would get sidetracked in the bubbles of work and family and friends and the goal would would feel left alone and disappear to the back of my mind.

This happened with almost all of my goals. I would have an idea, a goal, a hunch. I would follow it, then I would make plans to keep following it and then a short time later, I would either find something new that would excite me or I would simply get sidetracked and thats it. A never-ever ongoing cycle of idea, project, goal, plan, a bit of work, a new plan, a new start, and so on.

And I did not even realize what exactly was going on. yes, I am creative, yes I have a million of ideas a day. But is that it? Is that what was going on?

The problem with getting sidetracked

I felt it was something else. It was losing focus easily and following whatever came along in the moment. This is to some extend a beautiful trait to have — just letting yourself flowing, experiencing, being. Going with the flow and seeing where it leads you to. You experience new places, new people, connections and moments. I love these moments, when I am simply flowing. But is that helpful for having goals and achieving them?

Likely not. It is about going with the goals of other people and taking any driver seat action out of the experience until only the you, floating from one side to the other remains, whirling in the wind and feathering in the sun. It is a lifestyle you can take, for sure. I did many years. I would let myself be driven by the actions and emotions of others. Of their wills and wants. I became sucessful in the eyes of many, having a great career, a nice salary, a bunch of good friends and having achieved quite a lot for the age I was in.

But does that bring you to a place where you want to be? Not only in the moment but in the long-run as well? What if you wake up one day and realize that you had an easy life — moving along as it comes — but you never really touched and showed and expressed who you really are? How does it feel? How does it make you aware? Is that enough? Is it all you wanted? if so, then please stop reading. You are fine, you have found what you long for, no right or wrong in here.

But if you feel that urge of there is more. There is the me that wants to deeply be itself, that has the urge to awake and realize — oh shit — these were not my goals and wills and wishes — but those of others, then you should read on.

Because then you realize sooner or later, that you not following your goals was not because you never had them in the first place, but that you let them get sidetracked by the choices you made. You let them get withering in the shadows, because you gave other’s wishes and goals more weight. And you can keep doing that or you can decide, no and for all, that you won’t do that anymore. That it is time, to stick to your own goals.

Will that make you selfish and weird and lonely? Maybe, from time to time, but I believe, when you set your own goals, these are often more beautiful and honest and real. And they often include goals of being kind and caring and honest towards those around you.

When you find your goals, you work towards them

And when you find your goals, the ones you truly care about. Not the ones that get sidetracked. Not the goals that are other’s goals and wishes. Not the goals that sound great on paper but are not yours. Then you will be working towards them. Then you deeply care for them. And then it will feel right to you. Not to everyone, but to you. Because these are your goals. you may change them over time, you may develop tem over time. For sure. You may find a moment of getting sidetracked that leads you to an aha moment that is valuable to your goal. This will all happen. And this is good as it does.

But the important point is, you will know, that you want to work for your goals. And that you feel proud when you achieve them. And that you are not willing to give up on them.

You have problems finding your goals?

You are lost in the sea of wishes, wants, asks from all those around you? This is normal. It is not easy in our world to realize that almost all asks, emails, questions, offers, are some kind of someone wanting something from you, wanting you to follow their goals and wishes. But that is life. It won’t go away. But what can change is how you deal with it.

And the best part about goals is to start small and just start. You want to deeply take part in a class and learn to do pottery? Then sign up to it and lok with what you can replace it. This does not work? You have such a full schedule that it does not fit in? Then let me ask you this: Track your time for a week of all the things you do, including phone scrolling and planning and eating and shopping and then do that exercise again — what can you cut off to include your pottery course. Or you love writing? Then take the time to write. Each day for 5 minutes. and if youstill like it after 2 weeks, then do it again for another 2 weeks. And so on. Experiment which goal you have sounds great and feels great when you work on it.

And when you worked on it, and you feel proud and satisfied and fulfilled, you know that it is a good goal. It is yours. Because it makes you proud to actively work on it and it makes you proud to have achieved it. And the more you start to invest time in the goals you care about, the more you will want to replace other activities in your calendar with goals you care about it. Because the feeling is so beautifully amazing. Or you deeply care for a person and you want to tell them but never found the strength to do so? Maybe a stranger or the neighbour? Then go over and do that. It may feel weird at the beginning, but when you have achieved that goal, you will be immensily proud. And then you can take that feeling that you have and take it to your next goal. And so on. you will look back and say — wow — this is all that I achieved? This is so amazing, I am so proud of myself. And you will feel that smile entering your mouth and all your face and you will be happy of what you have achieved.

Go get it. And make it yours.

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