When do you feel the most relaxed? The most alive? The most content? And proud? And joyful? Is it the moments, when you are actively looking for joy, and aliveness, and contentness, and proudness? Or or is when you do act alive, and joyful and bravely and relaxed? And what if that what I just did was all within my head? But I did not act upon any of it?
I have thoughts running through my mind on a constant basis. The thoughts are quite active one can say. They are so active, that I feel like being in a hide and seek game, try to catch them and what they do to me.
It is not so much that I am not aware, but it is fascinatingly frustrating how often they catch me and hold me and keep me in their claws.
I just went for a jogging round and while I was listening to music, a thought about a past dating experience came up “What if you had acted differently?”, and “What did happen that it turned out as it did?”, “What did you do wrong?”, and then I listened in. And I started to get into a discussion with my thoughts saying “But hey, did this not only you!”, “Don’t be so hard on yourself, these are normal developments, relax”, and then the brain started again, “but what if I was too overbearing?”, “what if I gave that impression that I did not care enough, that I did not show how much I care?”, and then I answered “hey, but you are not a bad person, you just cared, don’t be so hard on yourself”, and so on.
A day early I realized that thoughts are thoughts and it is on us to listen to them, but to not let them guide us. And what I realized is that in that very moment while jogging, I started doing exactly that — I started talking with my thoughts, I gave them a priority, I was immersed in my thoughts, by trying to give them a voice, by listening, by spending time with them, by arguing with them. I basically did exactly that what I wanted to not do.
There is often that saying that when we go in one direction, it backfires in the opposite, or when we want something a lot, we get it less. I think this is not always true, but indeed it seemed to happen with my thoughts. I decided that I don’t want them to have that much influence on me and distance myself from them, and instead, I got immersed in them. I spent hours in my head yesterday. And as a result?
Being in your head does not let you do anything
I was so in my head that I did not work on the things that matter to me. I was arguing with my thoughts, I thought to make sense of them, I tried to tell them “Ah, what again are you telling me here, that is not true” and I found a new name for them — Filibus — the cheeky badger that is trying to lul me in. Worked like a charm yesterday morning and then Filibus got me and I was bantering and arguing with him and making sense of his constant chatter that in the end I did exactly that, I was immersed in my thoughts big time.
But how to get that switch? How to let the thoughts talk without caring too much?
For the jogging today in the morning it helped for me to shut off the music and simply listening to my heavier breathing. I was able to immerse in the breathing that I had less time to think of the thinking.
And I realized:
It is the attention we focus — but the question is on what we do focus it
It is not that the thoughts are deciding to stand still, it is more that we have the power to decide where to focus our attention. It is the thought that ruminates about the past or is my hand, and eyes, and senses, that feel the moment? What about my hand touching a tree bark and my ears hearing the dog bark?
When I am simply thinking I do not realize that they are there, I do not hear them, I am in my own little world. But what if I open that world up and let others in, let it all in? How much does it enrich my world when seeing what is around? When not running through the morning sun with blinders left and right, but with my eyes full wide open to get it all in?
And I realized that this was exactly what I tried to avoid. The mind running with thoughts all over and for me to realize — no — I won’t follow your lead and engage in a discussion with you, I won’t follow your mood and get hijacked into your chaotic self, I won’t be willing to give you my attention. Instead I focus my attention on doing things that I care about. Like writing my article and finishing my book. Things that I value and that I care about.
And in the middle of the run, I saw a woman on the sidewalks. We smiled at each other and said hi. We did not know each other, but we felt a connection through looking in our eyes and I felt the soft wind on my skin and knew, this eperience is only possible, because I focused my attention on what I really cared about.
Do you like what you read? Then I would be delighted to hear your thoughts and experiences about what I shared - Can you relate? Is that something you do not know? What comes to your mind? And what do you feel?